Tuesday 21 July 1998, 11.50

OK, I'm back. Coffee. Good. Where was I?

After 'Gender Benders', the Dykeye closing party. The atmosphere before, during and after the film show was relaxed and fun - quite the most enjoyable company I've had at a film showing for some time.

I got a beer and chatted to Camilla Haglund and Cecilia Neant-Falk about the current Transgender Debate (TM). Cecilia agreed with my original feeling about Don Kulick's condemnation of the TS-excluding women's groups on Saturday. Just another guy telling the women what to do, basically. Of course, the situation is complicated, but at least there's some sort of open debate among the women's groups. What policy do SLM have for female-to-male transgender people? Can you get into an SLM event without a dick? The tranny guys in 'Pansexual Public Porn' got what they wanted out in the bushes - can Sweden's F2Ms get what they want?

Then me and Camilla talked about how different things are in Finland, where the trans community is well integrated into SETA, the national organisation for GLBT rights, and gradually got on to comparing notes about what was cute about butch dykes, and guys, and what a gay man thinks when he guesses wrong about a butch woman's gender, and it was all fun and liberating and Cafeteatern is such a brilliant place for a party like that.

I have given up feeling guilty about liking lesbian films. Something in me recognises something in the butch dyke/trans guy/drag king experience. I don't know what it is, but it's unusual and it's good. Any other gay guys out there feel the same? Sometimes I think I'm having fun with masculinity in just the same way as the drag kings are. And it's serious in a way, too. The apotheosis of Robert the male lesbian. :-)

Ann came out of the last film looking stunning in a dark pinstriped jacket. We chewed the fat as the party gradually picked up steam - DJs Agnieszka and Josefin playing the most fantastic slow industrial synth ethno techno mix of stuff. Get these women into the mainstream gay clubs NOW!

And yes, the few men who turn up at a dyke festival really are cuter than the average. You know who you are. ;-)

Off to PridePark with the dungarees on! Today I'm gonna be BUTCH.